Life's Little Lessons
Some of the little things are often the most important. They are also often the funniest, or most embarrassing - some are both haha!
If you 'accidently' put your cigarette out on your face - u probably should quit smoking.
Also - If you have ever burnt a hole in a blanket or any other form of bedding, you should also consider quitting
AND - - > If you have "blankets acne'd with cigarette burns" - you definately quit smoking - or @ least quit smoking in bed
But - If you have actually caused a fire, one with flames and tons of smoke. . . one that sets off the fire alarms - then don't bother with quitting . . . u will die soon anyway
If you are someone who works with images on a computer screen and you spend an hour trying to figure out why you can't get rid of that nasty dark speck. Only to realise its a piece of cigarette ash stuck to the screen. Either quit smoking. . . or your job. maybe both :P oh & clean the computer screen!!
If you are going to fail to tie up your shoe laces & risk the possibility over stumbling over your own feet, then falling over and make a fool out of yourself, ensure that you are already wearing underwear. Otherwise It just turns up the embarassment factor by 1,000.
If you are sending a sexually explicit text message to someone, double check who you are sending it to. It can cause not only extreme embarassment, but can also lead to untold misery if you send it to an ex, or even a friend of an ex!!!
If you r taking part in some kind of sexual text to & fro, don't leave your phone unguarded - this is even more important when u r with friends who r teasing you for your huge smile along with the fact that you r constantly typing txt's & even kissing your phone!!!!
If you move house, label boxes properly & unpack in a timely manner. If you loose something as essential as a toaster - don't put replacing it off for months, because you will find the original one as soon as you get home with the new one!! (I lost and FOUND my toaster after waiting 10 months to buy a new one! - also lost the cutlery and the christmas tree, am still to find them.)
If your on your way to meet a guy at their place, but they ask you to call 5 minutes before you get there, and again before you arrive there - be suspicious. be very suspicious. (even if it is just a booty call!) as you may walk in to find that they have had their male flatmate (one of your best mates!!), hog tie ( wrists together behind their back, ankles too, then tie the wrists and ankles together in one big happy knotted up package arghhh!) them whilst they r butt naked in a room lit with candles. Especially if they thought it would be kinky and fun, It's god damn fucking embarassing - especially when everyone knows this has been done - & for your viewing pleasure they have also had your mate take a photo of them all tied up. (I still have that photo & have never looked at thick white rope the same since)
If you are having booty calls or any kind of "non exclusive" sex, check for video camera's. You may end up on you tube (even if it happened well before you tube was thought up) wether you r famous or not. If you find out you have been taped, hold onto that hog tied photo to use as blackmail should any video of you end up on youtube, or probably red tube!
If for whatever reason you use your child's PS3 to watch porn whilst they r on a sleepover - don't forget to take it out!!!
Also -> Always remember to put away your toys!!
If you are stupid enough to have your parent, child ex partner etc as a friend on facebook, beware of what you say. Definitely don't even hint to their being a new partner if your child doesn't yet know their parents aren't together anymore. (I guess it also applies if your partner doesn't realise you r no longer together either lol) And I'm not just talking about status updates people, don't even leave a mere hint on some odd fan page discussion board.
If you haven't already figured it out, these are just a few of the lessons my life has taught me - except for the fire in bed, that was my husband!! And the facebook one - well I averted disaster by de-friending my child from the person who's 'wall' such a hint was discussed on.
I think I will add to this list as i recall or experience new lessons.
I believe I will soon start to learn about being succinct & how to edit blog entries before I post them!
If you 'accidently' put your cigarette out on your face - u probably should quit smoking.
Also - If you have ever burnt a hole in a blanket or any other form of bedding, you should also consider quitting
AND - - > If you have "blankets acne'd with cigarette burns" - you definately quit smoking - or @ least quit smoking in bed
But - If you have actually caused a fire, one with flames and tons of smoke. . . one that sets off the fire alarms - then don't bother with quitting . . . u will die soon anyway
If you are someone who works with images on a computer screen and you spend an hour trying to figure out why you can't get rid of that nasty dark speck. Only to realise its a piece of cigarette ash stuck to the screen. Either quit smoking. . . or your job. maybe both :P oh & clean the computer screen!!
If you are going to fail to tie up your shoe laces & risk the possibility over stumbling over your own feet, then falling over and make a fool out of yourself, ensure that you are already wearing underwear. Otherwise It just turns up the embarassment factor by 1,000.
If you are sending a sexually explicit text message to someone, double check who you are sending it to. It can cause not only extreme embarassment, but can also lead to untold misery if you send it to an ex, or even a friend of an ex!!!
If you r taking part in some kind of sexual text to & fro, don't leave your phone unguarded - this is even more important when u r with friends who r teasing you for your huge smile along with the fact that you r constantly typing txt's & even kissing your phone!!!!
If you move house, label boxes properly & unpack in a timely manner. If you loose something as essential as a toaster - don't put replacing it off for months, because you will find the original one as soon as you get home with the new one!! (I lost and FOUND my toaster after waiting 10 months to buy a new one! - also lost the cutlery and the christmas tree, am still to find them.)
If your on your way to meet a guy at their place, but they ask you to call 5 minutes before you get there, and again before you arrive there - be suspicious. be very suspicious. (even if it is just a booty call!) as you may walk in to find that they have had their male flatmate (one of your best mates!!), hog tie ( wrists together behind their back, ankles too, then tie the wrists and ankles together in one big happy knotted up package arghhh!) them whilst they r butt naked in a room lit with candles. Especially if they thought it would be kinky and fun, It's god damn fucking embarassing - especially when everyone knows this has been done - & for your viewing pleasure they have also had your mate take a photo of them all tied up. (I still have that photo & have never looked at thick white rope the same since)
If you are having booty calls or any kind of "non exclusive" sex, check for video camera's. You may end up on you tube (even if it happened well before you tube was thought up) wether you r famous or not. If you find out you have been taped, hold onto that hog tied photo to use as blackmail should any video of you end up on youtube, or probably red tube!
If for whatever reason you use your child's PS3 to watch porn whilst they r on a sleepover - don't forget to take it out!!!
Also -> Always remember to put away your toys!!
If you are stupid enough to have your parent, child ex partner etc as a friend on facebook, beware of what you say. Definitely don't even hint to their being a new partner if your child doesn't yet know their parents aren't together anymore. (I guess it also applies if your partner doesn't realise you r no longer together either lol) And I'm not just talking about status updates people, don't even leave a mere hint on some odd fan page discussion board.
If you haven't already figured it out, these are just a few of the lessons my life has taught me - except for the fire in bed, that was my husband!! And the facebook one - well I averted disaster by de-friending my child from the person who's 'wall' such a hint was discussed on.
I think I will add to this list as i recall or experience new lessons.
I believe I will soon start to learn about being succinct & how to edit blog entries before I post them!
