Sometimes Screaming

I want to live like we did that summer.

This song is constantly playing on one of the lifestle chanels at the moment. Every single time I hear it I remember my amazing Summer Romance. He was the best boyfriend I ever had. Which is pretty sad. . . as it was the summer of 92-93!

He was (& still is) the most amazing guy. He treated me like a queen. Boosted my self-esteem no end - something he still does!  All the other girls wanted to be with him - he was soooooo hot! He was almost my ticket to cool lol.

I could write a million things about him, but never really get to the core of why he is such a special person, but I think the reason he was the best boyfriend I ever had is because he never hurt me. We never broke up, he never cheated on me or anything like that. He was a total flirt (& will always be) yet not in a way that ever made me jealous. It was just one of those perfect, innocent summer romances - one that lasted until the leaves started to loose their color and simply fell from the trees.

Actually he did hurt me once. He stabbed me in the back! He was playing with a fork and bent the tines to odd angles, once he grew bored of it he just left it outside lying on the ground near where we were sitting having a smoke.

I got a letter from my mum and went back outside to have a smoke whilst I read it. I sat on the ground, then laid down. Right on the upward facing tines of the fork!! I cried, he held me close to his chest and kissed my face, wiping away my tears. He really did treat me like absolute royalty.

Even now - 17years later I still love him. I love him dearly. But in the 17 years the love has evolved, I love him like a brother - yeah it seems incestuous, but I can't  explain it any better than that. He is now a good mate, one that I know I could call on day or night if ever I needed him, I hope he knows the same goes for him.

He's getting married next year, and I'm going to definitely buy him and his wife a set of fancy cutlery, all in the hopes that she'll leave one with bent tines in the bed - & pay the cheeky bastard back. I just hope that un-like other male friends, that marriage won't mean an end to our friendship.

One day I will write our story - properly. I've written it before, It's a beautiful story despite some of the events being filled with extreme tragedy. Perhaps its the tradgedy that makes it so beautiful. two kids whose lives look so bad that there appears to be nowhere to go - but in each other they find the answers. It was all very romantic, No wonder no one has ever been able to measure up. Not even the one where  I had a crush on someone for a million years and finally got to taste the honey!


Josh Pyke
Summer
If I could bottle up the sea breeze I would take it over to your house
And pour it loose through your garden
So the hinges on your windows would rust and colour
Like the boats pulled up on the sand for the summer
And your sweet clean clothes would go stiff on the line
And there’d be sand in your pockets and nothing on your mind

But every year it gets a little bit harder
To get back to the feeling of when we were fifteen
And we could jump in the river upstream
And let the current carry us to the beginning where
The river met the sea again
And all our days were a sun-drenched haze
While the salt spray crusted on the window panes

We should be living like we lived that summer
I wanna live like we live in the summer

And I’ll remember that summer as the right one
The storms made the pavement steamlike a kettle
And our first goodbye always seemed like hours
In the car park in between my house and yours
And if the summer holds a song we might sing forever
Then the winter holds a bite we’d never felt before

But time is like the ocean
You can only hold a little in your hands
So swim before we’re broken
Before our bones become
Black coral on the sand

I have been where others eyes have never seen
Its colder here and tragic too
for those who try so hard
simply to love you

Still haven't slept - maybe if I stopped looking at FAIL sites I might get over the insomnia!

Anyway, trawling through the hilarity @ failbooking.com, decided to follow them via facebook.

First post I get from them in my news Feed - It's a DOUBLE FAIL & I got to witness it all.

don't whinge cause I put your real name on here, I have like 1 reader - me, failbookig has over 100k


& thanks 4 the laugh joshua - just hope they publish ir! Then I can send my non existant friends to witness the fail I witnessed & reported - yes, my brain turns to goo without sleep, and oddly I feel like I pwn joshua & It feels cool :P

EDIT: well it made its way somewhere - wonder if it will go anywhere else http://cheezburger.com/View.aspx?aid=3107346176

A while ago I posted some photos of my leg covered in graffiti - Gosh I LOVE <3 <3 <3 my sharpie lol

I'd written what I was sure were lyrics to a Green Day song - "I declare that my love is true"

I was so definate about it as everytime I read the words in my head I could hear the tune. I also knew it was the last line of the song, and I was pretty sure it was off of Dookie.

Well I was Right - but I was Wrong. . .

It goes ""Just keep saying my LOVE is TRUE""

Well @ least I know I'm not totally psycho - ad the title is ironic, but in a 'you had to be there' kind of way.

And I was SOOoooooo wrong when I thought the 69 looking symbol was 4 Pisces, and the two arcs were Cancer. hmmm been so wrong, have had them mixed up since I last dated a cancer lol. Theres an awful lot more behind the symbols - but oly I know what it all means

**I also ALWAYS 4get how to spell Pisces


Ad despite drinking alcohol, not drinking coke, taking a valium and other things to help me sleep - Ive got the worst type of insomnia - the one where I fall asleep @ 9 or 10 only to wake up an hour later unable to sleep - I'm seriously close to some kind of homicidal suicidal like outbursts - jk, but seriously!

I just wanted to write and I guess share some words of wisdom that I thought were filled with just a pinch of insight into the way women think.

I was watching an episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter this morning, and was caught of guard at an incredible piece of insight Beth Chapman Shared With us viewers.

They had just successfully hunted and caught a young woman. She was over weight, but not ridiculously so, she had a shaved head, and a big hunting knife in her back pocket!! and she had gotten herself into whatever trouble that led to her capture because she was hanging out with a woman, desperate to get her attention and her heart. The fact that she's gay makes no difference. The woman she had feelings for only wanted her around when she had money, the woman wanted the drugs her money bought, as opposed to the love she could've brought the woman

Beth's Words of Wisdom "you gotta get rid of that chick man. That's the only place you get affection from, and you think that you have to put up with all of that? . . . Can I tell you something, I , everyday I sit at home and I think 'oh my god, I'm so huge', 'oh my god these jeans look so terrible', ' oh my god I'm so big', Every single day.

Every single big woman in Amerca goes through the same thing they go through the same feelings or fears and just want someone to love them.

As soon as you become confident about yourself and you start to love yourself again. . . you have to start taking control of you."

"Women that feel they have weight problems, they have issues& a lot of times they will stay in a dysfunctional relationship because they are afraid they wont ever find somebody else that love's them.

They don't feel that they are worthy of love. & I think that's all she's looking for."

I think in this case Beth speaks for all women who are over weight, or have some other form of insecurity (yeah, skiny bitches feel insecure too). It's easier to stay in a screwed up situation tha to face our fear of being alone and unloved.

I must say that although I kind of love that dog and crew really do have hearts, I hate the way they flip from abusive and angry to loving and heartfelt, praising god! Kind of hypocritcal cosidering Beth was taking the lords name in vain. - note, I don't believe in god, I just like pointing out the hypocricy of religions and its followers -

It has been a very long 10 days. . . It has at times been agonizing.

But finally, I got that magic poke.

The poke I had been longing for,  - no matter how pathetic that is,
I'm almost proud to admit I'm pathetic, because It is the truth.

I even got a little more than a fb poke.

I got a sweet, short & succinct fb msg reply.

And just that alone, well it made my heart beat faster, it put the bright sunbeam quality back into the smile I had lost.

No matter how tiny, no matter how pathetic, I will always choose hope over doubt.

Even if my funny (well I thought it was funny) txt msg didn't warrant a reply.

I will cling to my hope and hold tight my dreams . . .  for  "the best laid plans of  mice and men often go awry"




I know the quote is about everything going wrong - this is exactly why I cling to hopes and dreams - the theme of Steinbeck's story, For everything has gone awry, but I still may just come out of it alive, and be all the better for it.

 For It is in our dreams that we find comfort when there is no other comfort to be found
Text quoted is from "Of Mice & Men" by John Steinbeck, which was originally written in a poem called "To a Mouse" by Robert Burns All other text plus the image are all mine lol

Some of the little things are often the most important. They are also often the funniest, or most embarrassing - some are both haha!

If you 'accidently' put your cigarette out on your face - u probably should quit smoking.
Also - If you have ever burnt a hole in a blanket or any other form of bedding, you should also consider quitting
AND - - > If you have "blankets acne'd with cigarette burns" - you definately quit smoking - or @ least quit smoking in bed
But - If you have actually caused a fire, one with flames and tons of smoke. . . one that sets off the fire alarms - then don't bother with quitting . . .  u will die soon anyway

If you are someone who works with images on a computer screen and you spend an hour trying to figure out why you can't get rid of that nasty dark speck. Only to realise its a piece of cigarette ash stuck to the screen. Either quit smoking. . . or your job. maybe both :P      oh & clean the computer screen!!

If you are going to fail to tie up your shoe laces & risk the possibility over stumbling over your own feet, then falling over and make a fool out of yourself, ensure that you are already wearing underwear. Otherwise It just turns up the embarassment factor by 1,000.

If you are sending a sexually explicit text message to someone, double check who you are sending it to. It can cause not only extreme embarassment, but can also lead to untold misery if you send it to an ex, or even a friend of an ex!!!

If you r taking part in some kind of sexual text to & fro, don't leave your phone unguarded - this is even more important when u r with friends who r teasing you for your huge smile along with the fact that you r constantly typing txt's & even kissing your phone!!!!

If you move house, label boxes properly & unpack in a timely manner. If you loose something as essential as a toaster - don't put replacing it off for months, because you will find the original one as soon as you get home with the new one!! (I lost and FOUND my toaster after waiting 10 months to buy a new one! - also lost the cutlery and the christmas tree, am still to find them.)

If your on your way to meet a guy at their place, but they ask you to call 5 minutes before you get there, and again before you arrive there - be suspicious. be very suspicious. (even if it is just a booty call!) as you may walk in to find that they have had their male flatmate (one of your best mates!!), hog tie ( wrists together behind their back, ankles too, then tie the wrists and ankles together in one big happy knotted up package arghhh!) them whilst they r  butt naked in a room lit with candles. Especially if they thought it would be kinky and fun, It's god damn fucking embarassing - especially when everyone knows this has been done - & for your viewing pleasure they have also had your mate take a photo of them all tied up. (I still have that photo & have never looked at thick white rope the same since)

If you are having booty calls or any kind of "non exclusive" sex, check for video camera's. You may end up on you tube (even if it happened well before you tube was thought up) wether you r famous or not. If you find out you have been taped, hold onto that hog tied photo to use as blackmail should any video of you end up on youtube, or probably red tube!

If for whatever reason you use your child's PS3 to watch porn whilst they r on a sleepover - don't forget to take it out!!!
Also -> Always remember to put away your toys!!

If you are stupid enough to have your parent, child ex partner etc as a friend on facebook, beware of what you say. Definitely don't even hint to their being a new partner if your child doesn't yet know their parents aren't together anymore. (I guess it also applies if your partner doesn't realise you r no longer together either lol)   And I'm not just talking about status updates people, don't even leave a mere hint on some odd fan page discussion board.

If you haven't already figured it out, these are just a few of the lessons my life has taught me - except for the fire in bed, that was my husband!! And the facebook one - well I averted disaster by de-friending my child from the person who's 'wall' such a hint was discussed on.

I think I will add to this list as i recall or experience new lessons.

I believe I will soon start to learn about being succinct & how to edit blog entries before I post them!

Sex and the City is now an internationally renowned TV-series and movie, set in the New York Dating scene, it circles around journalist Carrie Bradshaw and her eclectic clan of gal pals, whose adventures she writes about in her newspaper column. And although fashion has woven its way through both the warp and the weft Sex and the City,  It's true fabric is sex and relationships.

It began with New York journalist  Candace Bushnell. Bushnell wrote a regular column for the new york city observer, that revolved around the lives, relationships and dating experiences of Bushnell and her circle of friends. It was these columns which led to the original book - Sex in the City, an Anthology of her column. In turn the book led to the TV series, In which the central character is fashioned after Bushnell herself - Carrie Bradshaw is a writer, columnist, fashionista, and girl in the know when it comes to all things sexy in the city. Accompanied by her group of close friends, they collectively experience and discuss a plethora of dating & relationship issues.

I can't say that I'm a big fan (pun well and truly intended) of Sex in the City, yet the series & the pearls of wisdom it contains within are still of interest to me. Especially when on the very odd occassion, I have found myself somewhat single. However now that I am  >3 (greater than 30! lol) rather than <3  [is there less love after 30? - hmm, I plan to find out] I find myself completely under prepared for travelling upon the vast sea of dating & relationships. I find myself filled with so many questions and queries as to how it all works. Which if I was thin & fashionable & living in new york, sex in the city would be my guidebook. But I'm fat, punk & living in a coastal country town on Australia's vast coast.

I also have a teenage son and still live with his father who  -if you have done the math - is my ex. An ex whom I had been with from age 16 thru to 30 (not counting a 6 month "break" we had back in 2000/01), thus making me a total n00b when it comes to dating & even relationships. Yes 14+ years of being in a relationship should logically award me some kind of status above n00b, but it isn't being in a relationship I'm having trouble with, it's the getting into a relationship part I can't quite wrap my head around.

I know what I want (I think!), I know who I am, what I like, what my needs are and have got my whole side of things under control. What I do not know is how do men work? What makes them tick? Will they lie & say I love you just to get laid? (which when I asked my best male confidante - who's also an x,  - he said F*^* Yeah!!! immediately) , What are the rules to meeting with and dating people you have met online? and do guys have any respect or feelings for a booty call? and how is a booty call different to a friend with benefits? I know my answers to these questions, but It's the male perspective I'm interested in.

I want a masculine version of sex in the city. One where men openly & frankly discuss their feelings, motivations, actions and excursions into the dating world. I need a Jack Bradshaw, along with his mates, Charles, Sam & Andy (sorry - that's the closest I could get to Miranda for a guy, if u have better please do suggest onet). I want to know about what they think of and discuss pre & post date. Do they find themselves more drawn into a relationship with a woman if they don't have sex after a first date.

Does such a Jack even exist? A man willing to share with us women the male perspective on all things love, sex and relationships?


Well - I think such a Jack does exist.

Funnily enough his name is Jack. He writes about love, sex and relationships, in this decades form of a newspaper column - his blog!I think Jack from Brooklyn is the new Candace Bushnell.

I am so glad to be able to introduce you to F*cking in Brooklyn, -  Love as a Life or Death Experience!!

It's Sex in the City, except that it's written by a man, and his adventures are based in Brooklyn, rather than Manhattan. It's exactly what the Doctor ordered. It is witty and well written, it is cheeky & charming, Forth right and down to earth. If only Brooklyn wasn't so far from Australia!:P

I'm hoping eventually Jack's blog will lead to his own book and TV series, so that all us crazy women can start to get an understanding of just how guys tick!!!

So what are you still doing here - go, . . get lost, . .  go & get F*cking in Brooklyn. Trust me girls, it's so much fun!!!


P.S I also need to get some form of conversion calculator to work out all the things that have changed since I was last free and single. I embarrassingly had to ask my younger 18yr old friend what she was talking about when she said STI's, even sexually transmitted diseases have changed since my first time round. But I'm working on it!

If you haven't heard of gibran - google him.

If your hurt by love google gibran on love - & whilst your at it gibran on joy and sorrow

It's really good shit - the more we hurt, agonise and experience true pain, the greater we appreciate, comfort, love & pleasure.

Right now - today for some reason I just want to throw my fist through a wall, down a bottle of valium and chase it with a bottle of tequila. After which I'd probably actually eat the worm (despite its inherit grotesqueness) then stumble half naked to the beach and try to swim to L.A. Sadly I can't even successfully go on a stupid bender - stupid bloody logical brain!

I want to scream. I want to scream so loud they hear it on mars. I want to shatter the windows, so that people can see inside, see how much I'm hurting (wether its me hurting me or someone else is still up for debate - but I fall on the me side), so that maybe a little of the hurt and injury can evapourate.

The first time round, it was painful. It burnt deep into my soul, like a branding iron a farmer uses to lay claim to his cattle, your name was burnt into my soul oh so long ago. And unlike other scars, burns never go away. 

Sure I forgot about you, the marks I carved into my thigh faded, but your name remained branded on my soul.

The brand shouldv'e reminded me of the pain, a sign to say don't do that again, you only just escaped the first time round. Why didn't I pay heed to any of the warning signs my heart, body, spirit and soul were flooding my head. Why did I let you in. Why did I give you the power to hurt me again.

Because I found you with the soul purpose of hurting you & causing you some severe pain -despite me thinking you're immune to pain, I think that Karma is teaching me a lessson.

I just want to know what happenned, why did the silence start? and maybe you could tell me what I did wrong so ashelp me to never make the same mistake again. Or you could just make me hate you so that I can spit on your memory and walk away with my head hed high. . .

. . . Because this is just agonisingly painful, trying to guess as to what happenned after we got over that first speed hump.

I'm actually really stupid, because there is no way on earth 'we' could work, unless it was a casual hook up thing (which to be honest - I'd be pretty happy with). Theres to much hidden in our shadows to let our lights shine into each others darkness.

If only love left you bleeding . . . then maybe. . . you could get something to help with the pain that is loves aftermath.

U made me -> Semper Ubi Sub Ubi

But now . . .

I numquam' ubi sub ubi

guess u gotta know latin

I Love Sleep.


Why Doesn't Sleep Love Me?

I've been blessed @ certain times in my life.

For a few years I got to tour with some of the coolest bands in the country, and some of the biggest bands in the world.  Jet = relatively small but really cool, Rolling Stones = big, & VERY fuckin' pretentious, and although it was cool to see them and eat with their gold cutlery, they were not cool!

I have a collection of "Acess All Areas" passes - aka laminates, that is so big I can't wear them all @ once. I have tour books that are signed, probably worth a bit on eBay. But the cool factor of these tour schedules is limited by time - for they include the bands itineraries whilst they are in the country. Not just when & where the concerts are, but which hotel they are staying at, when they will be here or there and all the flights they will be catching. I probably couldv'e made a mint selling the info - but to be honest that would be completely against my morals.

I wasn't just lucky to get backstage. I didn't win a lottery, nor did I have any professional reason for me to be backstage. I'm not a photographer, journalist, security guard or even a dishwasher @ venues.

So How did I get such access to such great bands?????  Why Is this Post called Backstage Whore??????

Because I swapped Sex for laminates. . .  

I'm neither a groupie, nor am I really a whore (but I guess that depends on your opinion) but I've had sex backstage @many shows.

I didn't have sex at every show (but I did @ most lol), I didn't screw a bunch of strangers, weirdo's creeps or ugly fat dudes. I simply had sex with my husband - a man I loved with every fibre of my being @ the time. See It's not about what you know - but who you know lol!

AND . .    whilst I'm on the subject, if you mix sex  with something else that you are passionate about, or that turns you on - which for me is loud live music - the sex is simply exhilarating. Especially if doing it in public floats your boat. Backstage sex, where the bass is so loud the hairs on your arms stand up and move in time with the beat, In my opinion, Just can't be beat.

But despite how amazing all those experiences were, they also kind of ruined concerts for me. I no longer feel the excitement or enjoyment of watching bands live. Never again could I sit in a seat to watch the show . . . Now I no longer feel satisfied unless I'm @ least on the fence. It's like having sex without the orgasm.

I'm filled with turmoil, with you all tangled up in my headwires. I can't quite think straight

I remembered you for all those years,
It's going to take a while to release the tears
all memories should fade in time
I hope to foget when u were mine.

Was it something you did deliberately? or just a cruel twist caused by fate?



Heartbreak is pathetic. Unrequited love even more so.
Only one way to heal - & that is to walk through it.
These posts aren't here to make sense to all - just a way for me to release what I need to let go of.
A guy that I always thought looked like Dave Grohl, a guy that kissed me when this song played - a guy I couldve continued to love had I not fucked it all up.

I now realise why i stayed stuck in my liquid handcuffs without fighting to free myself for so very long - because reality hurts too much to cope with.

BUT - @ the end of the day, despite the pain. I learned a lot - mostly positive, but one definate negative - I'm stuck here - no longer hand cuffed, but still imprisoned by misery.

For 3 weeks in November I never let my mobile phone out of my sight.
For 3 weeks in November I slept with my phone under my pillow. Everytime I got a text message my heart skipped a beat.
For 3 weeks in November - You were Mine

My muse

Most artists and creative types have a muse, one who inspires them to create their art, no matter what form their art is.

Edie Sedgwick is almost the Ultimate muse - Along with Campbell's Tomatoe soup She inspired Andy WarholI - I believe she also inspired Bob Dylan

I guess Frances Farmer was Kurt Cobain's muse to some extent - as I guess he is mine. Most people I know would think he would be my ultimate muse, he is my lyrical muse, a fellow tortured soul, & just someone I relate to in many weird and completely insane ways . . . I'm now officially seperated from Kurt Cobain by 2 degrees of seperation - more on that some other time.

Normally my art is inspired by events in my life, my emotions, and most often by music, lyrics and poetry. I was once told I had a Lyrical Soul, I truly believe this is true. But in all of my life I have never had one true muse.


I think I have found my own visual muse. She is beautiful, both outside and within. She is funny, caring, light hearted and deep @ the same time & is yet to take a bad photo. I see her day to day snapshots and envision works of art. I could write pages about her. She inspires me to the nth degree.

It has taken me a few months to digest that this person is my muse. At first it was an instant friendship, One that felt like your favourite comfy pyjama's. It felt like I had known her before, in a past life perhaps. At first I didn't quite realise why I felt such a strong magnetic like pull towards her. I even thought I had a crush on her (I'm 100% hetro, BUT I do strongly believe that when it comes to love gender doesn't necisarily blind our hearts), something I wasn't comfortable with - not because i'm homophobic - completely the opposite, but because she is so much younger than I am. She is a mere teenager. However over time I have gradually realised this feeling of love, appreciation & inspiration I'm feeling is because she is my muse.

I just don't have the courage to tell her yet.

P.S - this, like most of my posts, is un edited and raw. One day I will come back and give it some polish and finesse, but for now I just wanted to get it out, write it down.

-> what is a muse? Not even sure I can explain it - so check out muse @ wikipedia

Pain fades, but Hurt is forever.

It is easy to forgive, much harder to forget, no matter how many years have passed, no matter how much the memory may fade as it sits in the "stacks" , It still exists and always will. But your perspective changes with time.

Such is the famous cliche ". . .in time, this to shall pass"

Time is the greatest healer of all.

I had healed, but I had not forgotten. Yet the memory had become so faded and frail, to the point where I overlooked it entirely and jumped in wth both feet, my eyes wide shut, just to het hurt again, only this time much worse.

Insomnia

Lack of sleep,
Lack of slumber.
Take me out,
Take me under

After finding some cool ASCII art for my previous POST -> More Than One Way To Poke On Facebook I spent a little time checking out various other cool ASCII text art, and have been impressed with not just some of the pieces of Art that people have created, But even more so by the various tools available to create your own ASCII text art from your own images.

As an image whore - these websites excite me no end.

So here they are - all using my original image above (i'm only violet by name - sorry!) they all give a slightly different outcome. N.B. found it easier to just use screen caps rather than the actual html or pure text due to issues with blogger.

She thought it was love.
He thought it was love.
But love failed to tell them that love wasn't interested in a relationship with either of them.

Without knowing this they formed a non-relationship bound together by love's doppelganger, lust.

Can't decide which direction to move forward with on this image.



Original Image

After G posted a rather random facebook status that said "A Girlfriend and A Gun" I immediately thought of this photo - one of my favourites in all of the world

This image is copyrighted & owned by Jasmine Hirst - She is both the photographer & th model
http://www.jasminehirst.com

Making Art & Talking to Dead People - Jasmine's blog


The first time I saw this image I fell in love with it. A close friend of Jasmine's gave me a t-shirt for my 16th birthday that had this photo on it. Underneath it said "So Many Men, So Few Bullets". Over the years both me and my 'boyfriend' Craig wore the shirt so much that now, it sits almost threadbare sealed in a zip lock bag, along with my silent prayers that it will remain in one piece lol.

Years later I found this image for a 2nd time. It was on a postcard that was on display in a community health care setting. this time it was accompanied by the words "Shoot Clean" , part of a campaign for IV drug users to do exactly that.
It may have appeared many other places accompanied by other words, yet the words that immediately pop into my head are along the lines of - Amazing Woman - Inspirational - Beautiful.

It's pathetic - yet it's true
I do miss waking up @ 5.30am
All because of you.

Yet again I simply cannot sleep. I know I'm not very good when it comes to writing, but I am pretty good at finding a song to express the way I'm feeling.

I feel lost and locked out. I knock on the door and know they are there, yet they refuse to answer - they refuse to fight.
I stand alone and wonder why, consider how, and in self confide what I did that meant we could not survive.

In the end, you can't lose what you never had.

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I can't destroy what isn't there

Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don?t deserve to have you
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your lights
But all of that was ripped apart when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not care
I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?

I only wish you weren't my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a saint
Ooh, my hope was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself

And I won?t listen to your shame
You ran away, you?re all the same
Angels lie to keep control
Ooh, my love was punished long ago
If you still care don?t ever let me know

you will never care enough to ever let me know.......

Lyrics to 'Snuff' by Slipknot - written by Crahan, Michael Shawn; Fehn, Chris; Gray, Paul D; Jones, Craig A; Jordison, Nathan J; Root, James Donald; Taylor, Corey; Thomson, Mickael
Source:http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/s/slipknot/snuff.html

http://webtreats.mysitemyway.com - Cool Black Grungy Social Media Icons