Sometimes Screaming

My name is Violet Goodwin. I've been known as and called other names, but this is my real name. It says it on my new birth certificate.

I love trivia, trivial things and strange co-incidences which I often take as a sign. My son got his name due to a few trivial co-incidences. All of which were cemented when they spoke of someone named 'Andrew Goodwin' on the radio whilst I was in labor, and I think its cool that the first album he ever heard was the last one Kurt Cobain listened to.

I am an absolute Kurt Cobain fanatic, don't think it will ever change. He wrote like no other ever has nor could.

I hate my father with a fire like anger and rage. I wish I could kill him everyday, over & over again! For this reason I changed my name. I took on my mother's maiden name, my beloved nan & pa's name. My true family's name.

Only 1 guy ever stood up to my father for me. Others rescued me, but only one stood up to him. My boyfriend at the time was there. He stayed silent, but this other guy stood up for me and stopped him pounding my head into the ground. I will never forget him.

I no longer shorten the word Christmas, Itry to write it with a capital C - not because I am christian, I don't really believe in structured religions etc, nor do I believe in the bible. I do however believe in my nan who believed in the bible and in Christ. She felt it was in very bad taste to shorten it to four letters, thus removing Christ from Christmas - which whether or not u r religious, is what the holiday is based on.

I regularly send txt messages to the wrong person, or to the right person I send messages I wrote but didnt intend to send.

I've run over my phone with a truck & taken it for a swim, once or twice!

I don't believe in the bible as most of it is hypocricy - next time u hear someone say homosexuality is against the bible please ask them to check the labels on their clothes as the passage that says being gay is wrong also says wearing clothing of mixed materials ie: polyester or even a wool/cotton blend is against god!!

I try to always write NIRVANA in capital letters as that is the way it's meant to be. - the font  - (originally named onyx, didn't have a set of lowercase letters, just a smaller version of the uppercase) you can get it at dafont.com

I Always believed that my birthday was incredibly special - not the exact day I was born, but the date : February 20th. Any guy will find himself a special place in my heart if he can work out why it is so special to me. So far one has. But he already had a place in my heart. He was the guy who stood up for me.

Dave Grohl Is THE hottest man alive and the best drummer alive - he comes 2nd after jon bonham. I also think that Taylor Hawkins- the now drummer for foo fighters is also a damn good hard hitter, something I think he learnt from grohl lol

I constantly laugh at myself and my strange ideas - like hawkins learning to hit hard from grohl.

I have numerous really close friends who are all born on May 10th - Along with sid viscious and Krist Novoselic (for the dumb and young he was the bass player and only other original member of NIRVANA)

I don't say I love you unless I mean it.

I often watch tv with the subtitles on. My hearing is shocking and often read people's lips. Its incredibly embarrassing when trying to hear what someone with a strong accent is saying. It comes from too much time spent listening to music far too loudly and not wearing earplugs when I probably should of.

I was kicked out of home when I was 12 after my mum moved in with my now step father. I later lived under my fathers roof for a while, but soon ran away.

I am very careful with saying 'I Promise" as if I say I promise - I will then ensure I do everything possible - & occassionally impossible - to ensure I don't break the promise.

I rarely lie, & will never ever lie (or even say something that could somehow be misconstrued or somehow change and become a lie) if I swear on my son's life or on my nanna's grave.

I Prefer honesty above all else. Find Lies and deceit to be disgusting, ultimately pathetic and completely a waste of time. Man up and be honest, be brutally honest and don't waste people's time.

I truly thought I would die when I was 27 - I guess I wasn't legend enough.

I love Latin

I don't drink brown spirts, only clear ones. Tequilla sunrise's with lots of grenadine and no orange pulp (this was b4 alchopop was invented - but it was my alchopop, its sweet and doesn't taste like alcohol) and lemon/citrus Bacardi breezers.

I got expelled from a catholic girls boarding school.

I smoke - winfield gold to be exact. I smoke far too much.

I have no blood siblings. An older 'foster' sister Kristin - who is my sister in my soul.  Both of my biological parents fostered then adopted my younger sister Louise - or loukie, And I had an older foster brother Justin. I loved him more than anything, but he died @ age 15 when I was just 7, he was my world. But my parents don't talk about it EVER and hardly anyone knows I had a brother, not even my cousins. If u know I had a brother before reading this - I love u and trust you more than you will ever know.

When I was 15 I finally left or rather ran away and fled Armidale, moving to Sydney to go to a concert I didn't have a ticket to. I ended up getting to see the band anyway and never looked back.

All of my closest friendships were first formed in Armidale.

I hog the remote control & regularly forget to hang out the washing &/or bring it in off the line.

I loose the remote regularly & think that remotes should have sim cards so you can call them to find them.

I love to jump on the trampoline in the rain

I am a bit of a rev head, have a lead foot and owe money to the SDRO to proove this point! lol And I've been in demolition derbies and LOVED IT!!

I died when I was 15. If you were in my life @ that time u know why, otherwise I don't really discuss the how (so again if u know I must really love & trust you) but there was no white light, and the defribrillator (the electric paddles that re-start your heart) hurt and left bruises.

I fell in love - real love - for the first time when I was 13 and never fell out of love with the guy. We never broke up, he never broke my heart, so I still love him, but more of a brotherly (yes maybe slightly incestuous) love lol

Said boyfriend once stabbed me in the back . . . with a fork . . . by accident. I intend to buy him a set of cuttlery when he finally sets a date for his wedding!

I once shaved my head, Not a number 2 or even a 0, but babies ass bald, with a razor. I missed my hair and still have nightmares about having no hair lol.


I collect Vinyl records. My Favourite was the single "this is a call" by foo fighters. It glowed in the dark. I bought it on my first "date"  with my husband.

I kept that record in a vertical record player, It was an incredibly rare record player. My husband Kicked it smashing the record, the record player and put a massive hole in the wall behind it.

This is the only piece of Vinyl I own that has ever gone anywhere near a record player.

I sent my husband to jail opnce, he stayed there a week. He used to be physically abusive, now he just fucks with my head! lol

I use the term husband loosely. we share a child and have lived together for the majority of the past 14/15 years. He is not, nor will he ever be my husband. I just call him that to distinguish him from any boyfriend.

Only ever had two decent boyfriends. Both before I was 16.

My favourite movies are Juno & Mad Love (which starts out with a favourite NIRVANA song lol) & feel that I am a lot like both the main characters. **fun trivia - juno features a short bit of a hole song - so it's in the cobain family lol

I don't take myself seriously. And hope others don't either.

I had a crush on a guy for about 16 years

I am kooky crazy and possibly insane.

I am now only 2 degrees (or is it 3??)  of separation from Kurt Cobain - friend (&facebook friend - just to prove I do know her rather than just know of her) photographer Jasmine Hirst is friends with and has worked with Courtney Love's , and she was married to kurt. (duh??)

I am Also One degree seperated from serial killer Aileen Wurnoss (the woman charlize Theron played in the movie 'Monster') also via jasmine.

I have a crush on a girl. I have kissed a girl & I liked it.

I though it was true love when a guy who looked like dave grohl kissed me during a foo fighters song lol Yes i'm romantically ludicrous too

I have 2 tattoo's And 4 piercings, one of which has grown over totally, another which I re-pierce occassionally and then the two boring ones in my ears. I want more.

I have a K on my chest and a pink ribbon on my left arm.

I LOVE my cherry red & black marbled docs. They are a perfect fit for my huge size 10 foot and I got them for $8 at salvo's.

I moved to the Country from Sydney early 2009. It is almost new years and I still haven't finished unpacking.

I lost my toaster in the move. The Christmas tree also dissappeared along with the cutlery.

I bought new cutlery, but still have to get a toaster. There was no tree This Christmas.

I'm scared of sharks . . . . . even in swimming pools. - I'm not kidding

There was a ghost in my last house & I miss him?? or her - but i think it was a he.

I've tried most things once, if I haven't yet I hope to one day - except for sky diving. . . I am stupidly scared of heights.

I've tried most drugs and although some may not believe it I have never ever tried heroin - I swear on my son's life and my nan's grave that I've never tried it.

I get really really bad insomnia & often go without sleep.

Gun's and heroin are two Kurt Cobain things I want nothing to do with. But when I read the book "come as you are" - the original, which was when he was still alive- I underlined the names of drugs such as imodium and physeptone. Both of which I have taken, along with Lithium.

I hate smoking pot. I only ever did it to keep up with everyone else. Peer Pressure Sucks!

I once had my car searched by police - everything in it, which was an awful lot - was pulled out on King Street Newtown during peak hour. They found nothing despite emptying my suitcase onto the footpath & questioning me intently as to why I had a vcr in my boot (my mum gave it to me a month before and I hadn't taken it out yet) and my husband's check book. They failed to find the 3+grams of speed under the back passengers foot mat

I have never since had the stuff let alone taken it.

I've been arrested for driving without a licence. In no way was this related to the search incident. I was later cleared of all charges.

I've had pepper spray burn the crap out of my eyes.

I give blood and have had blood transfusions.

I'm finding writing this list oddly cathartic!

I got pregnant with my son when I was 17, It was neither accidental nor purposeful and told his father he could walk away and I would never ask him for anything.
I now can't get rid of him.

Karma paid me back with 3 days of labour and a 10 and a 1/2 pound baby & mega stretchmarks!

My best friend gave birth 7 hrs after me @ home in the bath tub. Belly to belly the week before you couldn't tell she was pregnant compared to me.

I love scorpio's, Taurean's and cancerians - have trouble getting along with Airies.

I've had my heart broken a couple of times but shredded 3 times by 2 people. Sadly I have also broken more than one heart and feel really bad about it.

I believe that revenge is a dish best served cold, dead stone cold. But given the opportunity for vengance I have held back.

I usually learn from my mistakes and never repeat the same mistake twice.

I  admit to watching porn - & now I guess I admit it publicly

It takes a lot to bother me and get under my skin.

I forgive and forget even easier.

I am incredibly open minded, resiliant and down to earth - well when i'm not off with the fairies.

I love typographical tattoo's, the tattoo on Jeffrey Sabella's neck is soooo hot (winner of project runway season 3) It says "Harrison Detroit l’amor de la mia vita." Harrison Detroit being his son's name


I Love written text and typography

I love writing graffiti on my legs with a Sharpie

I want to get a tatto that says " 'Cause the one's who hurt can give so much, you gave me such" - which is lyrics from the red hot chilli peppers song - tearkerker

When I die I don't want to be buried, nor do I want to be cremated. I wish my body could go in an above ground crypt. Not sure why I think she will out live me,

I know my mother would over rule this even if it is my last request.

I want my funeral to be about music - NIRVANA'S D7 - off of their hoarmoaning ep, the hawaiin version of 'somewhere over the rainbow' , 'Violet' by hole and after a recent funeral i think I'd like my 'foster' sista, kris to sing beautiful disaster.

My Favourite poem is 'Nothing Gold Can Stay" By Robert Frost - which was featured in the book 'the outsiders'

My favourite book is probably 'the house tibet' I fell in love with it when I was 15 and pretty much homeless quite like the characters in the book.

I once dislocated my big toe. The top end of my toe was facing the sky.

My mum also died once. A reaction to anaesthetic, she didn't see a white light either.

Both my nan and her mother had the same first name - Myrabelle - but neither liked to be called that. They went by their middle names. My nan was and is known as Norma, her mother Violet. Just like them as well as my mother I'm also known by my second name, but also my first. Sometimes it confuses people - even me lol

My younger sister and all of my female cousins have the same middle name - Elizabeth. My middle name isn't Elizabeth. They aren't known by their middle names!!

I'm named after my nan's mother Myrabelle Violet Robbins.

I am always saying or writing way way tooo much.

Only one person gets away with calling me penny, but if he does it in person i may kick him in the shin!

My nan's grandkids are all girls except for my cousin Josh. I think that this next generation will be all boys - but just one girl. I don't count my sister's daughters as she is a lost cause and already gave the eldest one away and I haven't seen her baby sarah since she was born.

So far we have four boys, Andy, Seb, Harrison and the beautiful newborn Zach.

I think my cousin Bec will have a girl.

My Favourite piece of clothing - is hard to pick. My NIRVANA shirt that has Dante's circles of hell on the front and the back says " FUDGE PACKIN, CRACK SMOKIN,SATAN WORSHIPPIN, MOTHER FUCKER" is #1, It's an original even has the ACME tag, not some post kurt rip off.

My sister is a lost cause. I have loved her and tried to help her. I have had her drag my heart and soul through the dirtiest of gutters. i even had a nervous breakdown over her and made the worst mistake of my life during the massive situation caused when she  had her first baby. I would do whatever I could vfor her if she asked, but have had to put her out of my head as it is just too painful to think about. I care more about her than she does for herself. It's fucking heartbreakingly complicated.

Her real name was Jean-Louise Murphy. My mum in her disrespectful way changed it to Louise Elizabeth. Her biological parents died when she was in Kindergarden. It took Docs 6 months to tell my parents. (she was a state ward.)

I could swim before I could walk.

I once worked for the devil - aka GE creditline. I quit because it was sucking the life out of me.

My nan died on April 9th. It wasn't until a year later that I realised I had died on April 9th too.

I find romance in odd things. I found it romantic to wake up @ 5.30am the same time as a guy I once loved. I also thought washing my boyfriends socks was romantic lol - would rather wake up @ 5.30 than wash smelly socks.

I once told my husband that when I got Angry I cleaned . . . so he made me angry. . . so I stopped cleaning . . so he got angry . . . thus he is not my husband (never really was married, just lived together for over 14 yrs)

Of my closest 5 friends we have all in some way "shared" a partner. 1 of them slept with my boyfriend (she had gone out with him for ages b4 I did) because I didnt want to lol - I was 13. The other 4, I slept with their ex boyfriend/girlfriend & in one case a one night stand.

Armidale is an incestuous town. I somehow escaped without catching any kind of std!

I slept with another best friends brother. But I lived with him and he was an actual boyfriend.

I used to be a fire twirler/ fire dancer. I guess I still could do it, but haven't for many years.

I believe I can do pretty much anything a guy can.

I'm a bit of a tom boy but usually wear skirts

I love stripey socks

I love thigh high stockings and socks even more.

I'm glad I accidently on purpose had a baby so young. His dad is also glad. But i don't know if our son is glad.

My most important material possessions are my nans ring (& a few of her other belongings, especially those that smell like her still) my laptop - which was bought out of my nan's estate & my drum head signed by all members of NIRVANA

Unless they r listed above i hate material things and materialism.

I thought my birthday was cursed, in the week after my 7th birthday my brother died, a week after my 8th my pa died.

My best birthday ever was my 14th. My present was my beloved first boyfriend coming back to town that exact day. It was also the first birthday I celebrated knowing the reason why my birth date was so special.

My 15th was 2nd best. Surprise party, which i of course wrecked & little ben giving me his long sleeved led zepplin swan song shirt. Him taking it off and walking around shirtless for the rest of the night was also great!!

Little Ben is my greatest unrequited love.

If you happen to actually read this whole list of crap - Please leave a comment, possibly your name if I know you, or even a random fact I have left out, or a moment we once shared.